


fallacy

by moralityism



Series: killing kindness [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, (not graphic and no physical harm comes to the character in question), Angst, Dehumanization, Gen, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, self-injurious behavior, this one's heavy whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 23:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moralityism/pseuds/moralityism
Summary: Logan tests a theory, breaks some rules, and makes Deceit very, very upset, all at the same time. Spectacular science, that. Looks like Patton has some parenting to do. Sequel to forgery.





	fallacy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a heavy one, sorry. Deceit is somehow sadder in this fic than he was in the one that featured him? No named OC Sides despite initial appearance, etc.

_Experiment Log, 9/4/201X_

_This experiment aims to investigate the lasting changes which Anxiety’s room is capable of inflicting on the other Sides, and the possible benefits of these changes. The experiment will be conducted by Thomas’ Logic, with no assistants. Test subject for final experimentation will be Thomas’ Curiosity._

Logan is laying out the framework for his experiments at the kitchen table when Deceit wanders in, headed towards the fridge. Logan watches him intently as he reaches inside and grabs…a jar of Crofter’s.

Disappointing. It seems twenty years of age introduced more variables than Logan expected. If he wants to make judgements on the depth of the effects of Virgil’s room on Deceit’s personality and tastes, it seems he’ll require many more observations.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Deceit deadpans. Logan jumps. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring that long.

He pauses for a moment to process Deceit’s words. “…Can I, actually?” Deceit stares at him like he’s grown a second head. “For my records,” he explains.

Deceit scoffs and turns on his heel, stalking out of the room. Logan allows himself to pout for just a moment before returning to his work.

_Experiment Log, 9/13/201X_

_I’ll have to be more direct with my preliminary data collection. Simply observing Deceit’s behavior is inefficient. I’m going to see if he’ll agree to an interview._

“So is that little notebook of yours going to explain to me why I agreed to this?” Deceit grumbles, resting his head on one hand.

“Presumably, you should be aware of that before starting the interview,” Logan replies, brow furrowed. He finds the proper page in his notebook and sets it in front of him, pens of two different colors lined up neatly beside it. “Are you not?”

Deceit rolls his eyes. “I have better things to be doing, so hurry up and ask what you want to ask.”

Logan nods. “Of course.” He scans his sheet of prepared questions. “I asked you many of these questions when the…change first occurred, but now that you have adopted a more consistent method of communication, I feel the answers may be clearer. Firstly, were you aware of the effects of Anxiety’s room as they were occurring?”

Deceit sinks low in his chair, thinking. “Well, you know, it was  _so recent_  and all, so I remember it  _perfectly_.”

“It’s alright if you don’t remember. Just answer as best you can.”

Deceit sighs, crossing his arms over his stomach in what Logan registers as a self-soothing gesture. “I was awake the whole time, of course, so it hurt terribly. I was surprised you all didn’t hear me screaming.”

“You were asleep?” Logan confirms. That tracks: Roman claims he was unconscious when Virgil brought him in for help. He hums. “Alright. Does it hurt now?”

Deceit’s lips press into a thin line. “Pass.” Logan’s grip tightens marginally on his pen, but he ignores it. He’s lucky Deceit agreed to this at all. He won’t push his luck by forcing him into questions he doesn’t want to answer.

The interview continues thusly for quite some time, and while Logan doesn’t learn as much as he’d hoped (there are a couple of questions that cause Deceit to nearly flee the room entirely), he’s able to gain a solid chunk of background data. They finally stop only when Patton interrupts them.

“What are you two kiddos up to?” he chirps, leaning in the doorway.

“Charades,” Deceit answers dryly, giving Logan enough time to slip his notebook out of sight.

“Ooh, sounds like fun! Let me join in next time!”

“I’m…not sure this is a game you would be interested in, Patton,” Logan says stiffly. “I’m sorry.”

“Aww, that’s okay!” Patton waves a hand. “Dinner’s almost ready, if you two want to come join us.”

“There are laws against cruel and unusual punishment, you know,” Deceit informs him, but stands to follow him out. Patton giggles and waves to Logan as he leaves.

Logan watches as Deceit pauses in his doorway. Without turning around, he asks, “Logan, may I ask you one thing?”

“Yes…?”

“Why did you change your aspect?”

Logan freezes. The others have all long since agreed not to bring that up – they all know how uncomfortable it makes him. He wonders if Deceit is doing it on purpose, how much he truly lost in the shift from Kindness to lies.

“I…a lot of things changed when Thomas lost his compassion. I simply filled in where I was most needed.” It’s a lie of omission, but if Deceit catches it, he doesn’t say anything. He simply hums noncommittally and walks out, leaving Logan to his work once more.

_Experiment Log, 9/20/201X_

_The others have planned a picnic in the Imagination tomorrow. I have previously informed them that I will be regretfully absent. Their combined absence provides the perfect conditions to perform my experiment without interruptions._

_I only have one chance. I need to control as many variables as I possibly can._

When Logan is certain the others have long since left, he slips into Anxiety’s room. If all goes according to plan, he’ll be in and out before Virgil returns, and no one will be any the wiser.

It really is quite dark.

Logan trails a hand across Virgil’s dresser. Should he try reading in the meantime? Judging from past experience, he’s not sure how long he’ll be able to concentrate.

His hand brushes up against something furry, and he flinches. Upon closer inspection, it’s just a stuffed toy. Probably from Patton. Logan takes a deep breath in through his nose and breathes out slowly. This is ridiculous. He just needs to sit down somewhere and wait.

The door cracks open behind him, light spilling into the room, and he flinches and whirls around with excuses at the ready. Deceit doesn’t even grant him the time to defend himself before slamming him unceremoniously into the wall. “What in the  _hell_ are you doing?” he snarls.

Logan swallows. Deceit is terribly imposing in the dark. “I…I explained this to you before, I think. Thomas, he doesn’t need…he needs logic that can be completely impartial, not…”

Deceit’s eyes narrow. “And so you thought the best solution was to put more blood on Virgil’s hands?”

“That’s…”

Deceit cuts him off, laughing almost desperately. “Tell me, all of that asking me about my experiences, trying to understand me, was all of that a lie? Am I…am I just a fucking  _experiment_ to you?”

Logan wants to deny it, but a small and insistent part of him knows that Deceit is right. A knot ties itself in his chest, thick and painful.

“Do you want to know what it feels like? Is that what you want?” Deceit hisses, face inches from Logan’s. Logan imagines he can see his scales flickering, smoothing, turning into shadow-darkened skin once more. “You really just can’t let anything go unsolved, can you,  _Curiosity_?”

Logan feels his face burn.

“I’ll tell you what it feels like,” Deceit continues. “It feels like swallowing fire. It feels like you’re suffocating, and your chest is burning up from the inside, and the only way to make it go away is to turn against everything you thought you knew about yourself.” His grip on Logan’s wrists tightens. “So you do it, because otherwise you’ll die! And everyone hates you for it, and they throw you away. And you know what the worst part is? You hate yourself for it too, even though there’s nothing you can do!”

Voice shaking, Logan murmurs, “Is…this all the truth?”

Deceit chokes out a laugh. “Does it matter?” he asks. “You won’t listen to me anyway. None of you  _ever_  listen to me.”

Logan opens his mouth to respond, but feels the words vanish in his throat. “I…”

Deceit slumps, the fight leaving him all at once, and he releases Logan’s arm. “Do what you want,” he mutters, “I don’t care anymore.” He turns and stalks out, leaving Logan behind.

Logan’s knees give out from under him and he sinks to a sitting position, back braced against the wall. Deceit’s words repeat over and over in his head until he can’t breathe with the weight of them.

Distantly, he registers that he’s having a panic attack. His legs are locked under him when he tries to move, and he chokes on air as he falls over.

It’s too much.

He can’t do this.

He sinks out of Anxiety’s room into his own and stumbles to his desk. He has just enough time to take a note of his results before blacking out.

_Experiment Log, 9/21/201X_

_[EDIT 12/15/201X: Almost all of this entry is illegible and thus unusable. I have salvaged as much as possible, but it is admittedly very little. However, qualitative data can still be drawn from the nature of this entry, namely hints as to the mental state induced by Anxiety’s room.]_

_CAUGHT_

_FAILURE_

_STOP_

_STOP_

_STOP_

Roman leads Patton and Virgil up a wide hill path, flourishing with wildflowers. Patton hums as he walks, swinging the picnic basket back and forth. Virgil notices this and gently tugs the basket away in an effort to save the food, and Patton lets it go with a sheepish smile.

“How much farther?” Virgil asks. “Not that I don’t appreciate, y’know, the scenery and stuff, but I’m getting hungry.”

Roman turns with a flourish, smiling wider. “Fear not, O Darkest of Knights! We have but a few more feet to climb!”

Virgil leans over to whisper to Patton, “And here I thought he couldn’t get any more dramatic than he already is.”

Patton giggles. “Isn’t he adorable?”

“Not the word I’d use, but whatever you say.”

They teach the top of the hill, a wide flat area covered in flowers. On a clear and sunny day like today, they can see the landscape around them for miles in every direction. Patton gasps and runs forward to look as Roman and Virgil begin to set out the picnic.

Patton rejoins them as they unpack their lunch on the spread-out rainbow blanket. “It’s so pretty!” he cries. “Virgil, did you see?”

“I did see it,” Virgil confirms. “The stargazing must be incredible.”

Roman’s face lights up at the praise. “Of course it is! I’ll have to show you sometime.”

Patton frowns suddenly and plops down on the blanket. “I wish Logan came.”

“Well, we all know the saying about horses and water,” Roman replies, ignoring Virgil’s warning look.

Patton blinks up at him. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t look it in the mouth?”

Virgil nods rapidly. “Yep, got it in one.”

Roman stares at him. Virgil glares back.

“What does that have to do with Logan, though?” Patton asks, oblivious.

Roman reels for an explanation under Virgil’s gaze. “Well, it’s—it’s like—we can ask him to things as much as we want, but—he—there’s no guarantee he’ll be honest about what he wants…?”

“Ohhh.” Patton nods, mulling that over. Virgil nods sharply and turns his gaze off Roman. Roman sighs in relief.

Patton takes a pensive bite of his sandwich. “Maybe I should make a list of things he likes to do… He’s been so quiet lately.”

“Jumpier than me,” Virgil agrees, “and that’s saying something.”

“Wonder why,” Deceit adds casually.

Virgil yelps and falls backwards at his sudden appearance. Roman jumps to his feet, abandoning his lunch to pull out his katana.

“I don’t remember inviting a slimy snake to the party,” he snarls.

“Oh, don’t worry, you absolutely did,” Deceit assures him cheerfully. “I just had other things to attend to. Patton, may I borrow you for a minute?”

Patton tilts his head all the way back to look up at Deceit. “What’s up?”

“It’s…” Deceit trails off, looking at Roman and Virgil. “Not something I trust either of these two with. If you don’t terribly mind?” He extends his hand.

“Wh…we’re in the middle of something, you know.” Virgil glares at him. “Can’t it wait?”

Patton studies Deceit’s face, and his expression shifts. “I’ll just be a minute,” he assures them. “Go ahead and keep eating.” He shoves the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and grabs Deceit’s hand. Deceit pulls him to a standing position and they both vanish.

_Reviewer’s Comments, 9/21/201X_

_this was a creative theory! however, not only is your methodology extremely flawed, but this experiment completely violates scientific ethics! it is this reviewer’s firm opinion that this paper requires complete revision before it can be published!_

_[Response From Author, 12/15/201X_

_Your comments are appreciated, and I will certainly take them into consideration, but turquoise glitter pen is not appropriate for an official experiment log. Neither is signing your messages with a doodle of a dog, for that matter.]_

Logan comes into awareness with a pounding headache, only slightly mollified by the cool darkness of his room. He’s lying on top of his covers(?), although he doesn’t remember going to bed in the first place. Someone is sitting next to him, running their fingers through his hair while humming tunelessly.

“Patton?” Logan rasps, trying to sit up. Oh, his throat is terribly sore. Yet another mystery to add to the list.

Patton lightly pushes him back down. “Don’t push yourself, Lo. There’s no rush.” His voice is calm and reassuring. When Logan looks up at him, the tear tracks on his face are reflecting the dim light of the desk lamp. “You really roughed yourself up good, huh, bud?” he teases, but there’s barely any humor in his voice.

Logan suddenly jerks up – away from Patton’s hands, his eyes, his smile – and immediately regrets it as his migraine sets the room spinning. He slumps forward and Patton catches him, helping him stay upright. Logan hates this. “I-I can explain…!”

“Okay,” Patton says. He seems almost…resigned. He keeps looking at Logan with that expression, like he’s  _disappointed_ , and whatever contingency plans Logan had prepared for this moment crumble into dust.

Instead what comes out is a shaky breath. “I…I wanted to do what was best for Thomas,” he whimpers, and then he’s crying, and  _oh, this is the worst, he can’t be doing this in front of Patton, he’s better than this, Patton is going to be so disgusted—_

Two arms wrap around him and pull him into a firm hug. “I know,” Patton murmurs, “I know. You’re always trying to do what’s best.”

 _Oh_. Logan breaks down, sobbing into Patton’s shoulder even as his skin burns from the contact.

“How do you do it?” he demands.

“Do what?”

“Being Thomas’ emotions and his morality. Don’t you get sick of it? Isn’t it hard?”

Patton pulls back gently and readjusts his glasses where Logan knocked them askew. “Well, I mean…” He stops for a minute, gathering his thoughts. “It’s not easy, kiddo. Sometimes what Thomas  _wants_  isn’t the same as what’s  _right_ , and it’s up to me to make that call. And I don’t always make the right decision, and you guys don’t always take me super seriously, but that doesn’t mean I need to pick one or the other!” Patton takes Logan’s shaking hands into his own. “Thomas needs his feelings just as much as he needs his morality, you know that!”

“But…”

“And he needs his curiosity just as much as he needs his logic,” Patton finishes, looking Logan in the eye. “Hey, do you remember when we were picking classes in high school and people kept telling Thomas to take biology? Saying it was the easiest science?”

Logan wrinkles his nose. “I never liked biology. Too many squishy parts.”

Patton giggles. “Yeah, but it would have been the logical choice, right? We would have ended up taking it if Thomas hadn’t been more curious about chemistry.” Logan looks away. “Am I making sense?”

“Yes, it’s just…” Logan sighs. “I…I think I’ve caused a lot of unnecessary issues.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it, kiddo!” Patton cheers. “We all make silly mistakes sometimes. Like that time I ate a whole carton of cookies and got a terrible stomachache! It’s a learning experience.”

Logan blinks at him. “You…you didn’t learn anything from that,” he argues. “Virgil and I still have to stop you from overindulging on sweets. Weekly.”

Patton nods. “Yes, well, you and Virge  _learned_  to keep an eye on me! Therefore, a learning experience!”

Logan stares at him. “Are you…arguing semantics with me…to make me feel better?”

“Is it working?” Patton asks, smile wide and  _real_.

Logan laughs helplessly and reaches forward, pulling Patton into a tight hug. Patton freezes for just a moment, surprised, but then hugs him back, leaning his head against Logan’s.

_Experiment Log, 12/15/201X_

_This experiment was a failure. My own vested interest in the results blinded me to the safety and ethical concerns embedded within my methodology, and I very nearly brought severe harm not only to myself but to my family as well. I would not recommend attempting to repeat my results under any circumstances. More efficient methods of rectifying one’s self-image issues are accessible. I would recommend reaching out to friends and family and seeking advice from them, rather than attempting something so dangerous and inadvisable as what I have posited in this experiment._

_This log should not make it into the hands of Thomas’ Anxiety, nor his Deceit. While Deceit is previously aware of the results of the experiment, it is my understanding that the whole catastrophe is a bit of a sore spot for him. Patton claims I should just apologize._

_This concludes my experiment log. I thank my reviewer for his boundless patience, and my interviewee for his interference in the experiment._

_Logan Sanders_

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](moralityism.tumblr.com)!


End file.
